Confessions.

I've read lots of post/blogs recently  from other special needs mams, and I've often thought they are really quite spot on but I've always said I would write my own one day.

1. I will walk the long way round.  Ok I know it's not often I walk anywhere, but when I do I go out of my way to stay off main roads because Neve cannot cope with traffic noise well. Life with a disabled child means going the long way around everything in life. 

2. I cry and feel guilty about it.  I don't cry often but when I do it can seem to be over the smallest most insignificant thing, but please know that I need to cry once in a while and ok I might cry off and on for 12 hours but I will be better after a huge sobfest. 

3. I have lost friends. Friends I thought would be there for me, but I also have found out who my real friends are, friends I might not see for months on end but I know if I rang them up and needed them they would listen and be there for me. And I hope they know they I am there for them always.

4.  I don't care if it's minus 10 outside she doesn't like hats. (Or gloves or scarves). I may look like the cruelest mother on earth but she really hates anything on her head, and believe me I have tried everything in my powers to get her to wear one, but it's seriously not worth stressing her out so much. So don't tut or roll your eyes when you see me all wrapped up in hat scarf and gloves with my child in a wheelchair with no hat scarf or gloves on.

5. I give sweets at bedtime, just to hide medication in. Big no no in the parenting book huh? But how else do you give a medication that only comes in tablet form to a child who won't/can't swallow tablets? 

6. I often miss friends birthdays or their kids parties. There are times when I promise I will be there, but when the time comes it's just not possible either due to illness or just plain Neve has had a lot to cope with and a party will push her over the edge. 

7. I have lied to health professionals, yes I'm ok when really I'm falling apart inside. I have also said yes yes I agree when inside I'm screaming no no that won't work, just because the professionals have a blinkered view and will/can only do things in a certain path.

8. I wake up in a cold sweat wondering if I remembered to put the iPad on charge before bed. God forbid there's no battery on the iPad for mornings. Especially if it's a weekend.

9. Some days I feel so lonely, even though I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful girls and a family that would do anything for me, there are days when I feel so so alone. And me alone with my thoughts in that kind of mood is not a good thing.